Oh my goodness friend. So I just picked Little A from school and the girls are home and in their high chairs and I was making them a snack and I was thinking about a podcast that I just recorded a little bit earlier today when the house was silent, and all of the things were lined up the way I like them to be to record my podcast. I made a reference to Cobra Kai, which is a YouTube show for their like YouTube TV. That kind of failed for them, but it's doing really well for Netflix, especially 80s early 90s babies. It's amazing and a woman that I have made friends with recently did a Reel. She's a social media marketer shouts Monica and I will tag her in this so you can follow her 'cause she is fantastic, but she did a Reel and who's part of that. And I was just chuckling about.
You know what she posted and it made me think about our connection and our like blossoming friendship that we have. Then it made me think about my Little A’s friend, literally best friend at school and her mom who we have become friends over this several months and through Covid really bonded over some stuff that we were struggling with at their preschool, but shot up to the the school. I'm not going to say the name because I don't do that, but that their teachers have been amazing through all of the insanity. I just brought an extra level of insanity to it because of my nutrition demands for Little A, but still they've been fabulous with all of it, and so that just builds on itself and built on itself and it made me think about all of the friends that I have been making in the last year and a half. I grew up in Sonoma County, California and moved away several times and moved back and had a really, have not post tense, have a really solid network there, and so when Little A was born I had a lot of support. I had friends I can lean on. My mom was there. My sister who's moved back. My sister was not there at the time, but. It is a strong network of friends and family that I felt comfortable either leaving with Little A or having come over and the disaster of postpartum-ness and you have done laundry and you haven't showered and you don't know how many days and the dishes aren't done, but the level of friend that could still come over in that. Then you know we moved from Sonoma County to Sacramento and I had a really hard time. The Tubbs Fire had just happened, which wiped out 5% of Sonoma County. My hometown, which was devastating, we moved in the middle of that. I will talk more about that at some point, evacuating with my baby through fire and just the devastation that it caused to so many people I know personally and the emotional of that, and you know. As that was it's still very fresh. I got pregnant with Little E which was very emotional and we weren't sure I was going to get pregnant again. Through all of this, I feel very alone. We lived. We lived someplace new and I had a very difficult pregnancy with Little E. I mean much more difficult than it was with Little A not difficult on the level I was on bed rest the whole time we're doing the injections or I know how much worse it can be, but it was very stressful and I had to monitor myself very carefully. My blood pressure went really high very early on and by 9 weeks it had jumped to the almost pre eclamptic level and that is a big part of my health journey and getting into my rhythm of fighting so hard for health because you were before you were preeclamptic exercise is one of the best things you can do. I went so intense and so structured that I actually cut too much sodium from my diet. I didn't know that was a thing. Anyway, up through all of that, I felt so alone, I felt so alone in this new place. There were streets that I couldn't navigate without Google. I remember the day and I posted about it on Facebook, it’s in my memories somewhere, I managed to get blood work done, like I do every three to four months, to the grocery store, and I think I went somewhere else like 3 places without using Google Maps and it was such a huge win. You know when you go from someplace that you know so well that there's like 10 different back roads routes without even getting on the highway that you can go on automatic pilot and get all the places you need to go to some place where literally if you make a wrong turn you have to stop and completely look at everything, because there's no way fixing it without making it worse. I still feel that way sometimes because we moved from where we were to a town that we're much happier in in the Sacramento area. Even though we've been here at this House for a year and I'm really, really happy, but it has been a long hard journey. We have been here in the Sacramento area for three years, three years now we moved. The Tubbs anniversary was three years ago. I was really alone. It was really lonely becoming a mom is really lonely. Nobody tells you that. Nobody tells you that it is going to be so hard because you're too exhausted to reach out to friends and you're too exhausted to ask for help. You don't even know how to ask for help because you don't know what you need and it's a little bit better with baby #2, but for me with baby number two I had nobody to ask for, even though I know what to ask. I had nobody to ask. I had a good friend that lives about an hour away now she's only about 30 minutes. My friends in Sonoma County and that like that, was it? I was too overwhelmed with the pregnancy to develop relationships and I stepped out of my comfort zone and joined MOPS, which is mothers of preschoolers through a church. And that was a horrible horrific experience. I am a Christian. I am strong in my faith and has been tested and I have come through stronger. The experience with those women was everything that you could ever experience negative about somebody who uses the word Christian and uses Jesus as a weapon in between you and them. Instead of finding love and support, I was literally voted off the island. I was kicked out of my MOPS group. I could have stayed at the MOPS thing, but I would have had that quote unquote join another table or whatever. It was horrible in the time that I most needed support. So after I recovered from that and I got through the rest of that year, I had decided coming into 2020 that this was going to be the year I was very intentional about relationships, about friendships, about finding ways to connect. There were a handful of women that I have maintained friendships with since I have moved, you know, coming into three years is a long time to be away and it doesn't mean that those friends aren't still my friends and we don't still love each other, but we haven't maintained the closeness. There were some of those I was going to reach out to as well and especially the ones that I have been through Instagram or Facebook or texting or whatever, maintained contact with and supported through all of the things. Then it felt like haha jokes on you. Welcome to 2020 where you are a box in your house and you're not allowed to see anybody. Still somehow I've still made friends. I feel more at peace and supported then possibly ever in my life. I mean, I had a pretty kick ass group of friends in high school. Shout out to Kelseyville High from some of the people that make me still feel very supported and loved are from the classes of 1998, 1999 and 2000. Love you, ladies, you know who you are. Those are amazing friendships. You know, 30 plus years of friendship is nothing to joke at and some of them are here close by. A lot of them are a lot of phone calls and texting, but I put it out there. That this is what I want. I want a community of friends again. I want to feel connected. I want to have those relationships and make the time for intentionally. Connecting with the women who lift me up. The women who support me, the women who are the ones that even if we disagree on stuff we know, the other person is a good kind, loving, supportive person. If we have different viewpoints on something, we're both coming from love, it's not coming from either side of the aisle, right? We're all coming from love and it's just amazing what comes from putting that out there like that was my intention and I'm super structured on it about reaching out to people. Being like hey, this is what I want to do this year and a lot of those women stepped up and we had plans, that we had to cancel mostly, but in canceling those plans, we've even connected more and we've just putting out there. Hey, I want to reconnect with you and rebuild that relationship. I've come out of my infertility journey and my disease. And I mean I'm still sick, right? I'm in remission, but still technically, you know I will always be ill and fighting that, but the overwhelm of it, right? I don't have to take a nap to get through the day now. I still take NAPS but totally different thing and I'm not coughing up blood, I'm not in a wheelchair. I'm not drowning from no sleep because I'm feeding the baby every two hours or just my body still recovering from having two babies in 22 months. I mean that was a lot. It was a lot and it was really hard for me to go from being so sick to I was in remission, technically officially declared in remission two weeks before I got pregnant with Little A. My body still had a long way to go to recover, right? You know, several years of chronic illness and higher doses of Prednisone and not being able to do anything but like walk to the bathroom and back without almost passing out. It's hard on your body in ways beyond the disease. So I I had a lot. I was distant for a lot. A lot of the distance in any relationship was on me and then when I started trying to build relationships the mops thing happened and that knocked me down for a long time and then 2020 happened. But right here, right now I was just so moved to sit down and share this with you my friend. Share with you that I have joked several times in the last few months like my goal for 2020 was to make connections and Todd jokes on me, but I have! Somehow I have, because I put it out there and because I kept bringing it up and because it was still important to me. I've made friends at Little A’s school and I've maintained friends from her old school and I met a woman on Instagram that we have a lot in common and we've met for coffee and chatted and like I can't wait to get to know her more and become stronger friends. And I have a network of women here like if something happened. I have people I can call up. One my husband's best friends from college and his amazing wife who have little boy are not far and having that established friendship of someone who has a baby has been so powerful. To have the ease of just having them come over and let the kids play. We can watch football or eat or do nothing but sit and talk and be parents together and friends together. So whatever it is that you are searching for, whatever it is that you're searching for, put it out there. 2020 has been a year, right? 2020 has been rough. Write it down somewhere. Put it in lipstick, on your mirror, post it on your car or on your coffee maker to remind yourself in the morning or as your background on your phone or as a reminder that pops up on your phone. So even if you're not in really working intentionally to focus on it, if it keeps getting put in your head that this is a thing that this is a thing that is important to you and it's a thing that you want you may unintentionally take steps to create that. You will have things come to you that build on that because it is still there reading it every day It'll keep it in your brain. It will keep it something that your brain on its own is going to make the connections out of. This is a thing I'm supposed to be doing, and it will happen. Trust yourself to get yourself where you want to go because you have the rules and you have the ability, and even when you feel like you're overwhelmed and drowning, steps can be made to get where you want to go. You don't have to be alone. If what you want is friends and connections. You don't have to not take steps forward towards a different job. You know they you don't. Maybe you took a class online or even signed up for class and forgot you did and you get this reminder. Making it something that is important to you so that you keep bringing it up means that your brain. It knows that it's important to you and in ways that you may not even recognize it is working on it. So what I want to leave you with today my friend is, you're not alone on here. You have a community. There are people who love you and support you, and even if you don't get to see them very often, schedule that time for a phone call or a video chat or kind of video chat ads. So sometimes just a phone call so you can hear their voice. You know, say I'm going to have a cup of coffee and you have a cup of coffee. And let's say we can't be in the same space together, which is super powerful being together. But we can have this moment together and remember that this year did not take connections from us. It has created opportunities for us to find new ways to connect. And new people to connect with. So go out there and be determined. Be persistent. And be tenacious every day my friend.
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AuthorI'm Felicia and I'm here to share all the adulting stuff. From work, to kids, to grown up friendships, and health. Thank you for stopping by, and if you can't find what you're looking for! Never hesitate to reach out! Archives
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